


The questions I ask.

by slushie5544



Series: An unexpected call for help [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Fluff, M/M, OOC, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Please Don't Kill Me, Protective Iwaizumi Hajime, Slow Build, Suicide Attempt, depressed oikawa, scarred oikawa, sorry - Freeform, supposed perfect oikawa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-06-09 04:32:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6890317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slushie5544/pseuds/slushie5544
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can you keep a secret? What if the secret meant life or death for someone? That's the situation Oikawa Tooru has to deal with. He had witnessed a lot of things in his life however he manages to keep a happy perfect mask on for people outside his house to see. No one ever knew about his life and he planned to keep that way. But when a turn of events cause Oikawa to worry everyone he has choose whether to keep his secret hidden or to come out truthfully.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How did it start?

Hey girl, open the walls  
Play with your dolls  
We'll be a perfect family  
When you walk away  
Is when we really play  
You don't hear me when I say.

* * *

-Age 16-

"Come on Tooru! You're being to slow keep up will you!?" "I'm coming I'm coming! Don't you worry about me!" It felt like it had only been a forever since Oikawa had ever been outside in the sunshine. The warmth of the sun shining down on his pale face and his hazel brown hair. 'What is this feeling? Is this what people call enjoyment? No, it can't be. It feels as if I haven't been this happy in year. But I'm always happy! I'm always smiling! I'm always laughing! But then, why do I feel so much more happier now then before?' All of these thoughts were running through Oikawa's mind at the speed of light.

There were to many thoughts in Oikawa's mind he didn't look where he was going and he ran into a pole. "Toroo! Oh my god are you ok?!" "Ugh.. Oww.. I'm fine I promise." That was a lie however. He felt as if his head had just been hit by a metal rod which of course was true. But he didn't want to worry his friend so he bounced shaking his head and smiled warmly. "Don't you worry about me!" He said with a gleeful cheery voice. The taller black haired male Issei Matsukawa. "Come on we'll be late for practice!" Oikawa cheered and started running to the school down the road.

* * *

Mom, please wake up  
Dad's with a slut  
And your son is smoking cannabis  
No one ever listens  
This wallpaper glistens  
Don't let them see what goes down in the kitchen.

* * *

-Age 10-

It was dark Oikawa hated the dark he always had and the situation he was in now didn't help his fear of the unknown. Looking out the window he stared at the bright starry night and tried to ignore the screams of his mother to get her husband to stop drinking and help around the house for once in his life. However things went silent and it scared Oikawa to what was happening downstairs with his parents.

Then there was a loud 'Smack!' downstairs and the sound of someone of falling to the ground then whimpers followed by loud cries. Oikawa sighed and continued to stare at the sky and whispered to himself. "I wonder what it's like in space with the aliens." He sighed and kept his hazel glossy eyes glued to the sky. He shook his head and walked to his bed. Oikawa kept looking out the window and hid under his blankets when he heard someone coming up the stairs. The steps were loud and almost like someone was stomping up the stairs. Shaking the small boy gripped his blanket tightly and his door was suddenly slammed open. Breath hitching and speeding up Oikawa clenched his blanket tightly and hoped that whoever was in his room would assume he was asleep and left without any trouble.

He was then hit in the back of the head by a beer bottle which shattered on impact. This caused Oikawa to sob out in pain but then the blankets were pulled off his head and was met by a furious smack to the face. Silencing as quickly as possible Oikawa wheezed and kept his eyes closed knowing that he was not to open them or else he would get hit again. Luckily for him after what felt like forever his father had left the room and Oikawa waited till he heard his parent's bedroom door slam to a close.

Getting out of bed shakily Oikawa stumbled shakily downstairs and looked down to see his mother curled on the couch crying. She was a beautiful woman, her hair was a dark hazel with large curls at the ends and her make up was always perfect. She had soft pale skin and her eyes were a blue with almost a shine whenever she was in the light. Right now however, her makeup was smudging all over her face and hands as she wiped her eyes. It's true though she was a beautiful woman she was a very ugly crier.

"M-M-Mom?" Oikawa asked shakily. Looking up his mother gasped seeing how her son's cheek was bruised and bleeding. "Honey.. Come here.." She whispered and Oikawa nodded taking small steps over before he lunged himself into her arms. "It's ok.. It's ok.. We'll get out of here I promise.. Just wait.. I got promotion so soon we'll be able to move out of here and have happy lives." She said as Oikawa sniffled slowly nodding believing every word his caring mom told him. But it was a mistake to believe they would get out of the hell house together. Because it'll never happen.

* * *

Places, places  
Get in your places  
Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces  
Everyone thinks that we're perfect  
Please don't let them look through the curtain.

* * *

-Age 13-

"Oikawa Tooru please come to administration immediately." Said the loud intercom during third hour of school. 'Hmm? Me? Why me? Why do I need to go to the administration's office? I didn't do anything wrong did I? I don't think I did.' Getting up from his seat Oikawa brought his backpack along since class was almost over. As he walked to the administration office he thought of excuses to get out of being in trouble. 'I didn't mean to do it! I promise to never ever do it again! It wasn't me I swear! I would never do such a horrible thing!'

Staring at the ground Oikawa sighed and kicked a pebble the entire walk to the office and hoped that everything was ok and he wasn't in trouble. 'Maybe I'm going to be picked up by mom and we'll finally be able to move away! Just like she promised! Yea that's why I'm being called in! I didn't do anything wrong!' Smiling now Oikawa sped up his walking and opened the office door looking around for any signs of his mother. When he didn't see her he got confused and worried. Looking at a administrator and asked why he was called in. "Please go and see the principle." She said and gave a small sad smile. This made Oikawa worry even more and walked to the principle's office. 'Maybe mom went to talk with the principle about me moving away with her and that's why I'm being called!' He thought and tried to get rid of any negative thoughts that popped into his mind.

He stared at the door and took a deep breath before opening the door and was scared again when he didn't see his mother. The only person in the room was the principle who sat in his large arm chair and looked up sadly at Oikawa. "Tooru please sit down." He said with a soft voice. Tilting his head Oikawa looked at the chairs that were across the principle's desk. "Thank you for coming Tooru As you know I have called you in for something very important." "Yes sir." "Good now what I am going to tell you might be a shock and also very tragic. I have been trying to get a hold of your father but it seems he hasn't been answering and so I hate to tell you without someone here to comfort you however you are bound to find out and I believe you must find out sooner before you leave school. There had been a crash. Your mother was in one of those cars involved with this accident and I am devastated to tell you that your mother did not make it. She was killed instantly in the accident. I apologize for your loss Toroo. If you wish you may spend the day at the nurses office."

Oikawa was silent he couldn't say anything even if he wanted to. It was if something was choking him. His body felt weak, his eyes were tearing up, he felt his throat itching and when he tried opening his mouth all that came out was a silent sob. It hurt everywhere his body, his eyes, his throat, and mostly his heart. He never imagined that his mom would die especially when she promised to take him out of the hell he lived in. But now here he was, sitting in the principle's office with his muscles all tense his fists white from sinking his nails deep in the chair cushion. 'She's dead... She's never coming back.. I'm never going to escape my father now. What am I going to do? She's dead! She left me here alone to fend for myself.' "-wa Oikawa! Oikawa please calm down your going to hurt yourself! Crap.. Someone call an ambulance quickly!" That was all Oikawa could hear before he realized his world was darkening and his chest hurt even more now. "Mom.." Was all he whispered before passing out.

* * *

Picture, picture, smile for the picture  
Pose with your brother, won't you be a good sister?  
Everyone thinks that we're perfect  
Please don't let them look through the curtains.

* * *

-Age 15-

That was all two years ago turns out Oikawa had passed out after having a serious panic attack and he was sent to the hospital after having his breath cut short. Oikawa had still never gotten over the death of his mom the one person who he loved and the only person who actually seemed to care about him personally. She always stuck up for him whenever his father threatened to hurt the male. She would take a punch, hit, and even sexual assault for him. But now she was gone and there was no one to protect Oikawa from his horrible hateful father. Every night Oikawa would make dinner for his family and try to protect his siblings whenever his father came home from work.

Oikawa would always get yelled by his father whenever he messed something up just the slightest. Such as one day when Oikawa was cleaning up after dinner Oikawa had been exhausted from school and homework so when he walked to the sink he had accidentally slipped on water and dropped the dishes shattering a few. This had caused his father to yell and beat him till the male was sobbing. Once his father had finished he had left the house to go out drinking. This didn't make Oikawa anymore happy seeing how his father would only come back even mote hateful and try to use his body. This isn't how Oikawa wanted to spend his life. He wanted a loving family, friends to help him through his hardship, a school that wasn't full of judgmental jerks.

That's all Oikawa wanted, but of course destiny had chosen another path for Oikawa. At home it was a mess with his homework, father, and chores. But school wasn't any better. Oikawa had learned that his school was full of people who judged others based on looks, attitude, and popularity. Oikawa was actually fairly popular but that made things very stressful for Oikawa. He had learned to how put on makeup so he could hide all of the scars from his father and also learned how to take proper care of his soft beautiful hair and most importantly how to always seem happy around others. He smiled brightly and never frowned around people and always forced a laugh out whenever someone said something that was supposed to be funny.

However deep inside Oikawa felt himself dying every minute he pretended to smile and be happy. He sometimes hoped that someone would see through his facade and ask if he was ok but no one asked or seemed to worry about the male. 'Heh I wonder how much longer I'll have to keep this up.'

* * *

Uh oh she's coming to the attic, plastic  
Go back to being plastic  
No one ever listens  
This wallpaper glistens  
One day they'll see what goes down in the kitchen.

* * *

-Age 16-

"Oikawa!" "Huh? Oi!" Oikawa wasn't paying attention and soon was with a face full of volleyball. Falling back Oikawa groaned rubbing his head where he hit the floor. "Oikawa Senpai! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!" Looking at whoever was apologizing Oikawa saw Shinji Watari bowing and closing his eyes. "Please do forgive me Senpai!" Oikawa took a while to respond to what had just happened and then smiled warmly with a laugh. "Aww its ok! Everyone makes mistakes I guess I should've been paying attention to the ball that was flying towards my face." Oikawa said reassuringly to the bowing first year. "Come on lets get back to practicing!" Oikawa suggested and got right back up ignoring every little bit of pain that was coursing through his body right at that moment. "S-S-S-Senpai? Are you sure? You were hit fairly hard with the ball.." "What did I just say? Are you my mother? I don't think so. So instead of asking me after I already told you I'm fine lets get to practicing shall we?" Oikawa asked with a smile but a dark aura surrounding him which made all the other team members quickly go back to their spots on the court and Oikawa grabbed the ball beside him and tossed it in the air before running and then jumping serving it across the net.

He watched all his teammates run after the ball and he made sure to do the same doing everything he could to keep the ball from hitting the ground more than once. Once practice was over however Oikawa was panting trying to catch his breath after after a long day of playing. This, This was his only way out of reality. Saying that he loved volleyball was an understatement. He lived to play volleyball. Ever since he was a child when his mother was still with him he always played catch with his mom whenever he got to spend quality time with her. He had grown up playing this sport and if he were to stop playing that would basically be the end of his life.

As Oikawa packed his uniform and water bottle he sighed and closed his locker walking out of the gym. But he was then stopped by Matsukawa who was running to catch up to Oikawa. "Oi! Oikawa! Wait up!" Looking back the brunette paused and smiled readjusting his jacket. "Alright now lets go!" He said once the black haired male caught up but he stopped when his wrist was grabbed.

"Hey hold on.. I need to talk to you for a while can we go the long way today?" "Uhh sure I guess?" Oikawa said unsure of what Matsukawa was wanting to talk about but he could only assume it had to do with him and practice that day. As the two boys walked down the sidewalk Oikawa looked at the sky and sighed. "Pretty night tonight." He chuckled. "Oikawa. What happened during practice today? You didn't seem to be yourself today." "What do you mean? I'm always the same everyday!" 'Oh my god please help me!' He thought. "Oikawa you got hit with the volleyball three times today and you were obviously spacing out during math class. "Well I have to communicate with my alien friends one way or another!" He laughed 'Please! I need your help don't leave me!' "Oikawa please do be serious I'm worried.." "Heh.. Don't you worry! I'm fine and I promise that tomorrow I'll be the very best on the court!" Oikawa said triumphantly. 'NO NO NO NO NO NO! This is my chance! This is my chance to get help! Damn it!' With a sigh Matsukawa shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Whatever, just call or text me if anything is wrong ok? We're all here for you Oikawa. Not just me the team as well. We care about you and want the best for you.." Oikawa nodded and re-framed from hugging the ever living life out of Matsukawa. Instead he looked over to his side and noticed they had arrived at his house. "Well I suppose I'll see you tomorrow! Take care Matsu-chan!"

Oikawa said and watched the other male nod and walk off in the other direction. With a sigh Oikawa looked at his hell house and walked inside staring at the ground. "Well, well, well.. look what the shitty cat brought in. You're late shithead." "Practice ended late today.. I'm sorry. Please forgive me." "As if I'll ever forgive you! Get to work and I'll be seeing you in bed afterwards.." His dad growled leaving Oikawa staring at the ground feeling empty inside. "Well there goes that ray of hope and sunlight.." He sighed and walked to the kitchen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellllllllllllooooooooooooo there! ..... To much? Oh weeeellllll! Anywho, this is my first fanfiction ever and I'm hoping to the yaoi gods that this is good. This is also my very first song fic! HAHAHA! To much again? Well fuck it... Hope this ends well... Im planning on making 3-5 chapters for this fic. Thanks for reading this far~!


	2. Will it ever end?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will have some triggering thoughts and yes this will be the chapter where some suicide is involved. Please do not read if you are not comfortable with these types of things.

Now I'm home, but I cannot stay  
I dream of you every day  
Got to know every inch of you  
Will you make my dream come true

* * *

-Age 16-  
"Take deep breaths.. Take one deep breath, wait ten seconds, then let out the breath slowly. Repeat these steps until you feel calm and don't force yourself. That's right good you're doing an amazing job Mr. Oikawa. Ok, now can you see how fingers I am putting up for you?" Looking up at the school nurse the brunette blinked a few times before squinting and stuttered out his answer since he was scared of getting the wrong number and worrying the nurse. "F-F-F-Four?" He asked and then tilted his head. It took him a moment to recollect his thoughts and tried to remember how he ended up here in the first place. Looking around the room now he sighed now trying to remember the last time he came to this small office

* * *

I don't know you, but I need more time

Promise me you'll be mine  
Birds are flying over Europe skies,  
Tell me please why can't I?

* * *

-Age 15-

Panting Oikawa ran after the ball across the court and almost growled as he skid across the gym floor and hit the ball. He quickly got to his feet and ran across his side of the net but was quickly blocked by his teammate who hit the ball to the other side. Oikawa froze realizing that he could had missed the ball if his teammate hadn't hit the ball in time. 'I could had caused my entire team a point. I could had let my team down. Damn it why do I have to mess things up so much? Shit! I keep messing things up! Why do I always have to the end of every mistake!? I can already feel the team glaring at me for screwing everything up! Why can't I be perfect for once in my life!?'

All of these thoughts were running in Oikawa's mind he looked up slowly and noticed that his vision was getting blurry as well as something wet and warm going down his cheeks. It didn't take long before Oikawa realized he was crying. Looking over at his coach he quickly ran off to the back of his team so he could quickly wipe the tears hoping that none of his makeup had smeared or came off. After wiping the tears he told his coach he need to use the bathroom. Lucky for Oikawa it was time for a break anyways so the male quickly made his way to the men's room doing his best to keep from crying til he was by himself.

Once inside he locked the door behind him and slid to the ground with his knees pulled to his face. He sobbed to himself and was shaking violently. He heard every word his father said to him whenever they were home alone and it only made Oikawa hyperventilate even harder. His lungs ached for air and his eyes stung from sobbing so hard. His throat felt as if someone were choking him and the room was closing up on him. "Stop.. Stop.. STOP!" He cried out and rocked back and forth.

Wheezing now Oikawa clenched his shirt where his heart was and fell back laying down now. His sight was darkening and his muscles tensing up immensely. "OIKAWA!? ARE YOU OK IN THERE!?" He heard someone outside the bathroom. However he couldn't tell who it was since his hearing was as if he were underwater. Maybe that was it. 'I'm drowning is what's happening... That's why I cant breathe, see, or hear. I cant feel anything either. Maybe if I go farther I'll be with mom again..' He thought and soon the bathroom door slammed opened followed by shadowy figures running towards him. He felt strong arms wrap around his body and he was floating now. The floor had just disappeared and now he was floating. Then things became black and he no longer had the strength to stay awake.

Hours later Oikawa had felt a bright light shining down on him and he groaned trying to raise his arm but it seemed impossible. 'Am I finally dead? Is this what people call heaven? Why can't I move? Where am I exactly?' "Did you see that!? He's waking up!" "Shut up idiot! You're going to give him a headache before he even opens his eyes!?" "RUDE!" "Will you both be quiet!" "He started it!" "I don't care who did. I want you two to shush."

With another soft groan Oikawa slowly opened his eyes and tried to look around but he quickly shut his eyes tightly from the bright light of the room. "Ugh.. Where.. What hap-" The brunette was cut off with a hoarse throat and he stopped talking. He tried to move his hand once he did he set it over his eyes and opened his eyes now. He heard a few voices around him saying that he should take things slow and not force himself to get up. Once Oikawa had gotten used to the soft light that showed between his fingers Oikawa removed his hands from his face. It didn't take long for Oikawa to get to the new bright light of the nurses office and he shakily sat up but was gently pushed down by a few people. Looking around he had just noticed his team who all looked concerned and had sympathetic smiles.

"Well you're finally awake! We didn't think you would ever get up!" Sighing Oikawa looked at one his friends who was holding a cup of water. "Here you've been out for a while now and I just assumed you may want a drink when you finally wake up." Oikawa nodded with a small smile. Taking a drink Oikawa coughed a few times then sighed. "What happened?" "You had a panic attack and someone had heard you yelling in the bathroom. However the door was locked and when we had finally got inside you were passed out barely breathing." Said his coach Nobuteru Irihata.

"Thank you.." Oikawa said but his coach shook his head. "It wasn't me who heard you or broke the door open." Looking at his team Oikawa opened his mouth to thank his team but they all shook their heads. "It wasn't us either." "Then who should I thank?" "We don't really know his name but he seemed to be your age and had spiky hair. That's all we know about the guy." "Well I do hope I get to meet him so I can thank him for his deed."

* * *

 

Times have changed, but so have I  
I view my life through your eyes  
On the go in my tourist's shoes  
But I'll stay truthful to you

* * *

-Age 16-

"Thank you Mrs.Ordana-san for letting me stay during class however, I need to go and get to my third hour. I have to take a test and I rather not miss it." Oikawa said getting up from the bed with a sigh. "Mr. Oikawa please do understand my concern but I would like you to come back to my office during lunch so I can check to see if you are feeling better." Nodding the now smiling brunette gave his usual warm smile and bowed. "I understand and I promise to come." He said and left the nurse's office.

As he walked away from the office he stared at the ceiling with his arms behind his neck. "Oi.. She's onto me. I can tell. What am I going to do? I can't just keep running away from my problems. But it's so much easier than facing them head on. I rather be up there with you mom. If only you were here with me. Maybe then things would get better. Maybe then I'll finally be happy for once in my life. But, I can't just leave my team behind. They're all I have left in this horrible life. Damn it I need to stop saying what I'm thinking, someone might hear me and become concern. That's the last thing I need now. To worry someone. I need to solve this by myself. Wait, if I go and see the nurse during lunch she'll notice me acting strange and then she'll know for sure that something isn't right!" He yelled quickly covering his mouth once he realized he just yelled in the empty hallway.

Looking back and forth Oikawa quickly ran off hoping no one heard him rambling to himself. Once he was out of the hallway and behind the school he panted and stared at the sky. 'Mom what would you do in my situation?' He asked and sniffled. Shaking his head Oikawa turned his gaze to the floor. 'Maybe I should consider seeing her myself instead of waiting for some stupid miracle to save me from my life. Maybe I should just end it all and things will never change or even better, things will be happier without me in this world! Who knows maybe it's because of me that dad is so horrible! Maybe if I just leave dad will become a better person and finally be happy!'

Smiling now Oikawa nodded and turned looking up at the roof. 'Heh it'll all be over soon I know it.' Was his final thought before he made a dash inside and ran up the long stairway that lead to the roof. Grabbing the knob he tried to open the door but realized the door was locked. "DAMN IT!" He yelled and kept trying to force the door open. Finally he ended up banging himself against the door multiple times before it broke off the hinges and Oikawa panted staring the broken door.

Stepping outside onto the roof he felt a sudden breeze hit his face which made Oikawa's hair become a mess. "Finally.. I can finally be happy again. Walking to the edge of the roof he took small steps once he was on the ledge and stared at the ground below him. It was a long drop from where he was and to the ground but he didn't care. He always loved high places since he always believed he could reach for the stars. Now he felt like he could reach for his mom. All he had to do was take one more step and he'll be with his mom. He would finally be able to feel her arms wrap around him in a protective way and never let him go. Hear her reassuring words that he'll be safe as long as he stuck by her side.

* * *

There's no place like home they say

You're my home, so hear me pray.

* * *

-Age 8-

"Mom! Mom! Look! I can almost reach the planets!" "Yes I see that! But what about me? Are you going to just leave me here Toroo?" "Of course not mom! I love you and I could never leave you! I'm sorry mom.. Would you like to come along with me mom!?" Smiling warmly Oikawa's mom nodded and got on the swing next to Oikawa's and started to push herself on the swing with a laugh. "I'll catch up to you Toroo I gotta have someone protect me don't I?" "Don't worry mom as long as you stay with me I'll always keep you safe from meanies and dinosaurs!" "Thank you so much Toroo that means a lot to me." His mom said which made Oikawa nod and swing higher.

However as he swung high he let go of the swing and tried jumping off hoping to grab a cloud. However instead he landed hard on his hands and knees causing Oikawa to cry out in pain. His mom quickly ran over concerned for her child and got down to look at Oikawa's hands and knees. Sniffling Oikawa tried to stop but ended up hiccuping and holding onto his mom. "Don't worry Toroo it's just a few scrapes that's all. Do you want to get some ice-cream? Maybe that'll make you happy again."

Looking at his mom Oikawa sniffled and shakily nodded rubbing his eyes to get the tears to stop. "Alright then. Lets go! Would you like me to carry you?" "Please?" He asked and was immediately picked up and put over his mom's shoulders. "You're super strong mom!" "I know but so are you Toroo.. You're my strong brave kni-" "Alien! I'm your super strong brave alien!" Oikawa said happily and his mom laughed. "Exactly and as long as you stay with you'll always be safe I promise."

* * *

I don't know you, but I need more time  
Promise me you'll be mine  
Birds are flying over Europe skies,  
Tell me please why can't I?

* * *

-Age 16-

"Heh.. You kept your promise and I'm really trying to be strong and brave but it's so hard when everyone is always expecting you to be happy and perfect. They say they know you like a sibling but do they? Do they really? What about now? What would they say if they saw me now? Would they know what to say? Probably not. Oh hey there they are. Oh look they see me better wave." He said to himself and watched as students piled out of the school to see Oikawa on the school shaking and smiling.

His team mates scared and had horrified looks on their faces. "Hey where are they going? Oh they're coming up here. Well, better make this quick and easy for them." He sighed and looked up at the sky one more time before leaning forward. As he fell forward his world went silent. He didn't hear the screams of his classmates or the cries of his team mates who were barely getting to the roof trying to stop him. His sight went dark as he closed his eyes. He couldn't see the people below shaking their heads and calling the police and hospitals. He didn't see his team running behind him trying to grab his wrists. But there was only one thing he still had and that was feeling. He felt a tight grip on his arm and his wrist stopping Oikawa. "Don't do it. I can help you.." Said a dark but also surprisingly calm voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright I hope this chapter turns out well who knew I would make two chapter in a row! Ugh my hand still hurts from five whole hours of typing.. Anyways, just yea.. Just let me know how this going so far I don't want to add a lot of new characters so if you are planning on reading about anyone besides Oikawa and Iwaizumi then please consider another fanfic. The song is: Europe Skies by Alex Ryback


	3. Can you hear me?

If I die young, bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a bed of roses  
Sink me in a river at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song

* * *

-Age 16-

With a sigh the chocolate brunette sat in his in his hospital bed staring at his pale yet soft hands. 'How long have I been this pale for? Was I always pale and I never even realized it? No, I would have noticed such a drastic change in color. God, they look so ugly and bony. Maybe I should put use to these things for once. I can't play volleyball anymore so whats the point in living now? If only that idiot just let me jump and see mom again I would be so much happier now.'

Groaning, Oikawa shut his eyes and laid his head back on a pillow behind him. He stayed silent and refused to talk to any of the doctors that came into his room to see if he was okay or not. Usually all he would respond with is a grunt or a slow nod and then silence. This had been Oikawa's routine now. Wake up feeling miserable, have a nurse or doctor come in and ask him the same questions over and over again, eat his brunch and once he once he was alone walk to the bathroom and hack up whatever was in his stomach. Then go back to bed until he was woken up by his nurse or doctor so he could have his counseling.

"Mr.Oikawa, It has come to my attention that you haven't talked to anyone about your family life. Neither has your father come to visit you. We were given information that your mother had passed away from a car accident and I apologize for your loss. However, we learned that you also have a brother and sister who are no longer living under the same house with you. Please Mr. Oikawa, it would not only make my job easier but it will also make it easier to help you if you just talk to us. Now, I'm not saying you should talk right away take your time. But people are concern for your well being and we wish for you to get well soon."

Finally in his room after an hour of counseling Oikawa flopped onto his bed and screamed into his pillow in frustration. "Nothing is wrong with me.. They say that they want me to get well as if I'm sick.. They treat me like I'm some animal who was abandoned and needs to be trained. Why.. Why couldn't that idiot just let me jump?" He asked himself and slowly closed his eyes trying to calm down. "I don't care if he comes over and checks on me." The brunette told himself and slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother

She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh,  
And life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no  
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby.

* * *

-Back on the roof-

"Don't do it I can help you." Said a dark but surprisingly calm voice. Oikawa quickly turned his head to see dark green serious eyes staring into Oikawa's chocolate brown ones. It was as if time stood still right then and there. Looking around Oikawa took note of his sobbing team mates to get him to stop, the screaming and horrified students on the ground, the bright red, blue, and white lights approaching the school. Finally the last thing Oikawa took note of was the spiky haired male standing before him with a stern but also concern expression. Huffing Oikawa tugged his arm back and took a small step back. "Leave me alone. I don't even know who you are. How can someone I don't know help me? Besides, I don't need help." Oikawa growled and clenched his hands into fists.

With a sigh the unknown male shook his head and stared at the ground for a moment before looking back up at Oikawa with his hand still stretched out. "Please just think about this for at least a moment. If you don't need help then why are you doing this? Please come down this way. I may not know you well nor am I good with words but I know for certain that there are people who would rather you stay alive then jump and die." Oikawa just stood where he was and looked back at the ground and then bit his lip nervously.

"I-I-I don't know who are! So how am I suppose to believe you!?" Oikawa shouted with tears forming in his eyes. He slowly took a small step back and kept his distance from the male who put both his hands in the air as if surrendering. "My name is Iwaizumi Hajime I'm a second year and I know for certain that your team mates would be devastated if you were to jump. Please don't just my word for it either." Iwaizumi said and moved to the side. Oikawa looked up shakily at his team mates who were shaking and also nodding. "Oikawa-San please don't go we care about you and if anything were to happen to you we wouldn't know what to do anymore!" Cried out Matsukawa.

Staring at his team for a while longer Oikawa looked around one last time and he noticed that things seemed to spinning. He was soon becoming light headed from the overwhelming situation. "Y-Y-You don't understand me nor my life.. None of you do.." He whispered and started to sway side to side. His vision becoming blurry now and his body becoming weak Oikawa took heavy breaths and the last clear image he saw before passing out and hearing everyone scream was his mother smiling warmly. "Tooru it's time to let go."

* * *

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom

I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,  
I've never known the lovin' of a man  
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,  
There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,  
Who would have thought forever could be severed by.

* * *

-Age: Unknown-

"Huh? M-M-Mom! Oh my god.. Mom!!" A young Oikawa looked around an unknown place. He was surrounded with nothing but white. That's all he saw until he noticed a figure in the distance. The figure seemed to be slender and pale and quite possibly a female. Looking closer Oikawa had noticed the beautiful dark brown curls of the woman's hair and her perfect posture as the lady obviously older than Oikawa. As he got closer the lady laughed and started to walk away from the boy. "Mom... Wait.. Please!" He yelled for his mom who kept walking and Oikawa started to cry. "St-stop! Can't you hear me!? Don't leave me again I need someone to protect me again! Save me! MOM!" He screamed now and started running the white room had shook as he panted and the lady ran now.

Blood, that was all he could see now. His hands full of blood and hysterical laughter playing in the back of his mind. "You left her Oikawa.. You're all alone now.. There is nothing you can do about it. What are you going to cry again? What a stupid pity.. Stop your sobbing and kill yourself already. You've already let everyone down and there is nothing you can do to make it up to them. You're only a mistake. No one would even notice your disappearance. Taking small fast breaths Oikawa began hyperventilating as he felt everything spinning again. Staring at his wrists Oikawa gritted his teeth together and held his head in both his hands. Once looking up he noticed that blood was dripping from the walls around him. Quickly getting up Oikawa shook his head and started to run. He didn't know from what or who but he felt unsafe.

As the male ran he felt hands around his waist and he quickly turned his head to see the sneering face of his drunken father. "Oh Tooru what makes you think you'll get away from me so easily? Don't you know? I'm always going to find you and there is nothing you can do about it. Now close your eyes and let me touch your sweet body." His father whispered darkly into Oikawa's ear. "No... Please.." The male pleaded and was met with a hard slap to the face and he fell over from the sheer force of his father's slap. However as he fell he didn't hit the ground.

Furrowing his brows Oikawa opened his closed eyes and noticed he was slowly sinking in water. Eyes widening Oikawa put a hand over his mouth and tried to swim to the surface but something was pulling his ankle. He looked down and saw nothing but darkness pulling him down. Oikawa continued to keep swimming to the surface before he passed out from the lack of oxygen his lungs were receiving. As Oikawa looked at the distant bright surface he let out the last of his oxygen and felt his eyelids become heavy. "Oikawa.. Please don't give up... We need you.. Don't leave us.." Oikawa snapped his eyes open and looked at the surface one last time before using the last of his strength to put his hand out for something, anything. Something did grab his wrist tightly and he was soon pulled up to the surface. "I've got you.. I'll help you I promise.. Just don't give up.." Whispered a voice before he closed his eyes again and nothingness surrounded him again but this time he felt warm and safe for an unknown reason.

* * *

...the sharp knife of a short life, oh well?

I've had just enough time  
So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls  
What I never did is done  
A penny for my thoughts, oh, no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar  
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner  
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'  
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

* * *

-Age Sixteen-

Taking deep breaths Oikawa woke up suddenly and sat up quickly. Sweat covered his face and tears ran down his face as he shook violently. "Just a nightmare? Was that all it was?" He asked himself and looked around the room noticing a bouquet of flowers on his night stand that was next to his bed. He also noticed that on a chair were gifts from different people as well as cards piled up on the end of his bed. With a sigh Oikawa rubbed his face and got up walking to his bathroom to wash his face. The feeling of the cold water hitting his face made Oikawa wince. But at least it was a reminder that he was awake however it was also a reminder that he was alive and that was the last thing he wanted.

When he looked in the mirror he took note of the slight dark bags under his eyes and how his eyes were no longer full of light. "How long have my eyes been that dull?" He asked himself and then walked away from the mirror. Entering his room he sat on the edge of his bed and decided to read some of the cards. It was the least he could do seeing how people were considerate enough to actually get him things so he could recover. He shuffled the cards and picked a random one. It was concealed in a dark blue envelope with the words:

_To: Tooru, Oikawa_

_From: Hajime, Iwaizumi_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was both my favorite chapter and also ironically the most difficult chapter to write since I had so much technical difficulty. I hope it was worth it! Song is "If I die Young" by Band Perry

**Author's Note:**

> Hellllllllllllooooooooooooo there! ..... To much? Oh weeeellllll! Anywho, this is my first fanfiction ever and I'm hoping to the yaoi gods that this is good. This is also my very first song fic! HAHAHA! To much again? Well fuck it... Hope this ends well... Im planning on making 3-5 chapters for this fic. Thanks for reading this far~!


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